Hey! What’s going on!?
This is a letter from your old friend, belly fat. We’ve had a great fall, holidays, and winter together. Lots of eating, lots of drinking, and lots of good times!
I know you’ve had some good intentions and maybe even some false starts to get rid of me. A little bit of “eating healthier” that lasts until the first weekend. Maybe even a stab at the “Health Club Membership.” I love those places! But you know we’re meant to be together.
With summer coming up, I’m thinking about sticking around. But you’re definitely going to need bigger clothes. Because there’s no way I’ll fit into what you’re wearing now! You’re going to need bigger pants and a very large cover-up too.
So whatever you’re thinking about, just keep listening to your skinny-fat yoga girlfriend who tells you to avoid resistance training like the plague. If you jump into some kind of resistance program where you lift more than 5-lb. pink dumbbells, I’ll be gone before June.
And please, please stick with that long slow cardio routine. I love the elliptical! It’s the best for me. More Please! And I’ll be here forever! What ever you do, don’t do any kind of Accelerator Interval Training. I’ll disappear right before your eyes with that stuff!
Remember that burning sensation you got doing those supersets and sprints? How you felt like your metabolism was going 1000 mph? Yeah? Avoid that or I’m a goner.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever got along without me. Like in college when you’d put on whatever cute clothes you’d want and head out the door. When you could put on a bikini and head to the beach. Full of confidence, feeling good about your appearance and yourself. Where was I then?
This summer – me, you, lots of shade and a cover-up. Drinking cold beer and eating BBQ. Can’t go down to the beach and have fun because you can’t be seen like this! Maybe you’ll start getting into shape in the fall. Yeah! That’s it, in the fall. Keep thinking like that!
Well it was great catching up with you. And remember – just say no to any kind of Accelerator Training. And we’ll be together for a long, long time.
I’ve been thinking of bringing my friends, cottage cheese thighs, flabby arms and dimpled bottom with me this summer. I hope you’re okay with that. And as long as you don’t train with The Body Firm I know you are.
So as always . . . hey look, a drive thru! . . . see you this Summer!
Your Belly Fat
P.S. Hey, I know I’m constantly on your mind. And I know that you’re thinking of calling Dave at The Body Firm. He’s like the worst person for me. He’d would put an end to me before summer. And I’m not okay with that. Just one more summer together with you on the sidelines with me. Watching your life and friends and fun pass you by.
Don’t call Dave unless you want me gone, gone, gone. Left with a flat stomach, toned arms, tight, lifted glutes and firm thighs. The energy to really live your life on your terms. I say, “Who needs it?”
(FYI the Original “Letter from Your Belly Fat” was written by Craig Ballantyne of Turbulence Training Fame. This was an exercise for me to model the writing of the Cutting Edge Leader in Fat-loss and Rapid Results Fitness Programs. Not my original work)